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What are the 5 love languages?

Posted November 4th, 2016


When relationships go wrong, it can be the hardest thing. Are you fed up with constant misunderstandings or arguments? Do you feel as if you’re doing all the relationship work? Are you drifting apart? Has the spark gone?

Whatever relationship or marriage problems you may be facing, often it’s our communication skills that are letting us down. That’s where relationship counselling can make a real difference. Experienced therapists can help you understand the underlying issues while teaching you the tools to make progress.

According to the 1990s blockbuster The 5 Love Languages, there are in fact 5 ways that we express and receive love. The book may be a perennial favourite on the pop psych shelves, but there’s no harm in taking a closer look at the advice given: learn to speak and understand your and your partner’s main ‘love language’ and not only will you communicate better, your relationship will improve as a result.

  1. Words of Affirmation

How often do you need to hear your partner say ‘I love you’? Do you love receiving compliments and praise? If constant reassurance and affirmation is important to you, Words of Affirmation may be your primary love language. Beware that negative comments may cut particularly deep and you won’t find it easy to forgive them.

  1. Quality Time

This language is all about receiving undivided attention from the person you love. To you, talk of love may be fine, but actions speak louder. Being there for each other and spending quality time will leave you comforted, satisfied and ultimately loved. Conversely, cancelled dates or failure to listen won’t go down well.

  1. Receiving Gifts

If you’re feeling especially loved when you receive a physical gift, however small, this may be your main love language. A meaningful thought or present makes you feel appreciated. Whether he brings you flowers for no particular reason, or she remembers to buy a bottle of your favourite wine, gifts can show you care.

  1. Acts of Service

Some people show their love by mowing the lawn, washing the car or doing the ironing. They may not be the greatest romantics on Earth, but lending a helping hand is their way of showing they really care. Broken promises or perceived laziness, on the other hand, are sure to cause emotional upset.

  1. Physical Touch

Physical affection need not be limited to the bedroom. Holding hands, kissing or giving cuddles can be just as important to show your love. Withholding physical touch, the ‘cold shoulder’ treatment or physical abuse are anathema to someone whose first love language is Physical Touch.

If you feel that your relationship or marriage needs attention, KlearMinds can help. Our couples therapy and marriage counselling therapists are experienced in sensitively dealing with all kinds of relationship issues including communications problems, lack of sex, illness, life changes and external pressures. Contact us today on 0333 772 0256 or email us in confidence.

Filled Under: Counselling, Relationships
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